A Winchester woman was speeding across a bridge when she spotted a cop with a radar gun waiting on the other side. Sure enough, he pulled her over.
He walked up to her car with that classic patronizing smirk and asked,
“What’s your hurry?”
“I’m late for work,” she replied.
“Oh yeah?” the cop said. “And what exactly do you do?”
She looked him straight in the eye and said,
“I’m a rectum stretcher.”
The cop blinked. “A… what?”
“A rectum stretcher,” she repeated calmly.
“And just what does a rectum stretcher do?” he asked.
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger into the rectum, then two, then three, then four. Once I get my whole hand in, I work from side to side until I can get both hands in. Then I slowly but surely stretch it… until it’s about six feet.”
The cop, completely stunned, stammered,
“And what the hell do you do with a six-foot arsehole?”
She smiled sweetly and said,
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.”