Advice for Anyone Moving to the South
So you’re packing up and heading down South? Bless your heart. Before you unpack those boxes, here are a few survival tips:
Save your bacon grease. Don’t ask questions. Just do it. One day soon, you’ll understand.
Car stuck in a ditch? Relax. Within minutes, four guys in a pickup—with a tow chain and a 12-pack—will appear out of nowhere. Step aside. They’ve been training for this their whole lives.
Language matters. “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive. Study up.
Weather talk is mandatory. You’ll hear, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.” In August, you’ll swear it’s both.
Forget how they did it up North. Nobody cares. Seriously. Stop bringing it up.
Too hot for you? Don’t worry—it might cool off by Christmas. Maybe.
Status symbols: Mercedes? Cute. Down here, it’s Chevy, Dodge, or Ford that turn heads.
“Fixin’ to” doesn’t mean something’s broken. It just means, “I’m about to.” Example: “I’m fixin’ to go to Walmart.”
Parking strategy: Shade is more valuable than a front-row spot.
On the road: When someone slower pulls onto the shoulder, that’s called “Southern courtesy.” Appreciate it.
BBQ isn’t grilling. Burgers and hot dogs are child’s play. Real barbecue is practically a religion.
Football rules everything. Weddings, funerals, even divorces—scheduled around game day.
Ranch dressing. It’s not a condiment. It’s an entire food group.
Thinking of honking? Don’t. We’ll sit there all day just to prove we can out-stubborn you.
Emergency vehicles? We pull over. Always. No debate.
Funeral processions: We stop, turn down the music, men remove their hats. Respect isn’t optional—it’s tradition.
“Bless your heart.” Translation: “You’re an idiot.” Proceed with caution.
Everything’s Coke. Want a Sprite? It’s Coke. Pepsi? Coke. Mountain Dew? Yep… Coke.
Southern weather: Don’t like it? Wait 15 minutes. It’ll change. Or it won’t. Either way, you’ll sweat.
And most important: It’s all said with love. Welcome to the South, y’all.
😊