The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and summoned him to the office. The auditor wasn’t surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.
“Sir,” said the auditor, “you claim to live an extravagant lifestyle with no job, supported entirely by gambling winnings. Frankly, the IRS doesn’t buy it.”
Grandpa grinned. “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it. Want a little demonstration?”
The auditor smirked. “Alright. Show me.”
Grandpa leaned forward. “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor looked him over. “That’s impossible. You’re on.”
Grandpa popped out his glass eye, chomped it, and the auditor’s jaw hit the floor.
“Not bad, huh?” Grandpa chuckled. “Tell you what — I’ll bet you two thousand I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor thought hard. Grandpa clearly wasn’t blind. Easy money. “Deal.”
Grandpa whipped out his dentures, clamped them on his remaining eye, and grinned while the auditor turned pale. Grandpa was now up three grand.
Before the auditor could recover, Grandpa said, “Want to go double or nothing? I’ll bet you six thousand dollars I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into the wastebasket on the other side, and not spill a single drop in between.”
The auditor eyed the distance and smiled. “There’s no way you can do that. Bet accepted.”
Grandpa unzipped, gave it his best shot… and sprayed all over the auditor’s desk. Not a single drop made it to the wastebasket.
The auditor jumped up in triumph. “Ha! Got you this time!”
But then he noticed Grandpa’s lawyer burying his face in his hands. “What’s wrong with you?” the auditor asked.
The lawyer groaned. “This morning, Grandpa bet me $25,000 that he’d come in here, pee all over your desk… and you’d be happy about it.”
Moral of the story: never underestimate old people. 😆