Bravo fighter, relish the big victories!
“One year post double mastectomy with implant reconstruction. 14 months since finishing chemo.
I still remember the strange fear I had going into surgery—not of the procedure itself, but of the drains. And even more so, the removal of the drains (lifelong squeamishness strikes again!). It’s funny what your mind fixates on in the face of something so huge.
Making the decision to remove a part of yourself in the hope of avoiding recurrence is one of the hardest calls a person can make. There’s no perfect choice, no guaranteed outcome. I’ll never know if I could’ve kept my breasts and stayed cancer-free. But what I do know is that I couldn’t live with the fear that it might return. For me, that fear was heavier than the loss.
And no, this wasn’t some kind of “free boob job” — an ignorant comment too many women hear. What I received is something that looks somewhat similar on the outside, but feels nothing like what was lost. There’s no sensation, no connection. It took time for my brain to adjust — to rewire itself, to accept this new version of me.
Relearning your body is weird. I bump into things. I misjudge my space. I’ve had my fair share of “oops” moments that ended in laughter. But even in the humor, there’s healing.”